Queenly Endeavors

I'm Yours

2011-10-10T18:38:00.000-07:00

A little collage for today, view from the sofa

Today is one of those soul days. All I want to do is day-dream and collage, take pictures, and delight in little beautiful things, (too bad I have so much homework, but a little blogging will suffice.)

It's strange being in this place between college and the beyond. I've been thrashing away at a dense jungle of thoughts: what do I want to do after this? What am I going to do with an art history degree? (Get a master's said the advisor. And then what, said I. Get your P.H.D. said he. Then what, said I. Compete for the job 800 other people want, came his reply, and inwardly I rolled my eyes.) First I was asking, What would be the most impressive thing I could do? But when that brought me no joy I asked, what would be the easiest thing to do? But that felt empty too. Then I asked, what would be the most authentic thing to do? And here, I got somewhere new. But still, another question begged to be posed. It was, what can I do for heaven?

Cello

So I have been sitting here, thinking about that in my favorite place. I like to look around the room and with my eyes, drink in inspiration. It's a little present--my revelation--and I'm opening it slowly. It can only be opened in sacredness. I cannot rush the process. Here I'm reminded of a poem a good friend shared with me by Martin Luther.

He wrote: This life therefore is not righteousness, but growth in righteousness, not health, but healing, not being but becoming, not rest but exercise. We are not yet what we shall be, but we are growing toward it, the process is not yet finished, but it is going on, this is not the end, but it is the road. All does not yet gleam in glory, but all is being purified.”

Here I see "my growth." All I want to do these days is play the cello, take pictures, and be a mom.A baby to take care of that looks like my Marc...maybe with red hair...that's my wish, the wish I made on a dying dandelion at the end of summer. Lately when nannying I savor the cuddling after naps, the sweet little boy who throws his arms around my neck and likes to listen to me sing.

roses from my mom's garden

When I think of these dreams that I love, my insides sing too and I feel as light as cream. Maybe it's not enough, I tell myself. How do you expect to be able to stand alone? Where is the feminist in you? And part of me tries to stir her up, to make her want Harvard or the edge of the horizon. But the desire for that cannot be conjured. What has happened to me? I used to think success meant a prestigious school, a P.H.D, the Peace Corps. And I think it can still be found there too.

Maybe it's that I feel heaven inviting me to create home and family like a sun-soaked sofa would urge me over for a long, golden afternoon nap. It's a warm feeling and I want to say I'm yours. I'm yours. I'm yours. I'm yours with all of my heart.

white respites

2011-08-15T10:31:00.000-07:00

How I love a cloudy, dreamy escape. My friend Kiirsten got married this weekend and she let me take home some roses. Don't you like putting flowers all over the house? My dream is to have garden after garden in my yard and quiet places carved out of all the beauty for resting and imagining.

Holy Places

2011-07-04T10:58:00.000-07:00

A year ago Marc and I took a little trek up to holy Lake Mary--the place I had said I wanted to one day get engaged. There, we knelt down on a rock, and promised ourselves to eachother. Then he pulled out a little box and put a sparkling ring on my finger. This weekend we made our pilgramage back to the spot--this time equipped with snow shoes, a sled, and ten months of marriage under our belts. I've found in these last few months that our differences and our challenges are our "holy work." We climb rocks and leap over streams and then reach beautiful vistas together.

After Lake Mary, we went to another holy place. It's always bliss to walk into the temple. It's like striding through a wall of warm peace. Everyone whispers; there's no sense of time or rush. It's white and heavenly and you wear all white too. Marc always seems his most loving, grown up self there and I tease him that that's why we go.

My sister Olivia and her husband Skyler went with us and afterwards we went to the Dodo for tollhouse pie a la mode.

Love, sledding, pie, peace, and good friends. What a day.

A Dream Come True

2011-07-01T18:16:00.000-07:00

Ever since I saw the film "Sophie's Choice" back in high school, I have wanted to play the cello. Sophie made it look and sound so beautifully feminine, sensual, warm and deep. Her instrument vibrated richly against her pregnant belly. Even before her baby would know her, he would associate her with those comforting, encompassing strains. Music has never been my strength but I feel so enthusiastic about this, I could burst. Earlier this week, I went and found a magnificent student cello for a great price and Marc and I picked it up this morning. Lessons start Tuesday! It's a dream come true. What's your dream?

Road Trip!!

2011-06-25T18:12:00.000-07:00

Last weekend we drove down to California to stay with friends in Yosemite Valley. The beauty on the way stunned us; the journey was certainly spectacular: I enjoyed just talking to Marc, buying an ice cream cone from a gas station, laughing, and watching the sun hit the earth in golden glory.

We hiked five miles for a breathtaking view of all of Yosemite's splendor. We didn't even speak for a bit.

Half dome.

I just included this because I think he's handsome.

Marc has always been in love with trees. So we went to see the Sequoias.

Absolutely amazing.

Thank you Nate and Rosalyn for the great weekend!

my sister married the love of her life a week ago...

2011-06-04T16:46:00.000-07:00

there is beauty all around

2011-05-09T17:02:00.000-07:00

There is an inner and an outer beauty about today.

Color and cheer play within and without. Seeing it all--that's the miracle.

The Drive Inn

2011-04-27T20:59:00.000-07:00

So this begins a series of Posts by Man. They shall be known as Man Posts. "Very original," says Jacq. "Let me create!" says I. Well, I couldn't be off to a better start.

We went to one of our favorite ice cream shops. I hope everyone knows this place.

See that!? It's so big it's coming out of the cup!

And of course you gotta love the ol' signage. Not sure what the Lone Ranger has to do with bread though.

Easter Nests!

2011-04-21T20:04:00.000-07:00

We don't have Easter baskets so I made us an Easter nest from the things around the yard. At first I dyed the eggs a bluish green but I think white looks purer. It was a delight to create. Thanks Tressa for sharing the egg shell idea!

As light as Eyre!

2011-04-21T10:06:00.000-07:00

The semester is over and I feel as light as air! To celebrate, my best friend Ali and I went to see the new Jane Eyre movie. Perhaps it was extra delicious to me after having been so stressed for the last two weeks, but I absolutely loved it. So many scenes seemed to be taken straight from my own imagination. I couldn't believe how perfect it was.

GRATITUDE

2011-04-13T18:00:00.000-07:00

It feels so good to come home at night. I love being inside and hearing rain and tumult going on without. So nice to dwell in lamp light. So wonderful to just sink into home.

Have a Happy Spring Day!

2011-04-11T11:12:00.000-07:00

"I too overflow."

2011-04-07T19:49:00.000-07:00

“I too overflow; my desires have invented new desires. My body knows un-heard of songs. Time and again I, too, have felt so full of luminous torrents that I could burst—burst with forms much more beautiful than those which are put up in frames…” cixous

I've been working on essays all day. I came across the above passage just now and fell in love with it. The same feeling has rushed over me from time to time. It's a longing to create beauty, to project it out for others to see, to live in it as much as it lives in me...

Anyone know what I mean? Do you too overflow?

Gotta love finals...

2011-04-06T13:16:00.001-07:00

they make a beautiful mess.

Happy Special Day!!!!

2011-04-04T17:43:00.000-07:00

Marc and I met in high school. Started dating the 4th of December, 2005. Since then, we've always had a little HURRAH! on every 4th of the month. 7 months ago we married, but I think we were married long before that in our hearts. I wish everyone true love today!

today's beauties. I really should be doing my homework.

2011-04-02T16:02:00.001-07:00

2011-04-01T10:43:00.000-07:00

That enchantment
that I lightly
took out of the
lovely April
is for ever.

~Leonie Adams

More Tea Party

2011-03-26T11:31:00.000-07:00

Tea Party!

2011-03-21T17:15:00.000-07:00

I hosted a tea party for my beautiful sister this weekend.

This was a spiritual shower of sorts. We gave her the painting of Christ that you see behind her.

The girls busted out my wedding album. Go mypublisher.com!

I love this floral summer skirt. It brought some whimsy to it all. (Haha, I bought it at whimsy boutique!)

My neighbor hand carves stamps. I borrowed letters to make these name tags on my left over wedding stationary.

This cake came from a little pastry shop down the street. I thought it looked great on the green glass pedestal accompanied with my bluish-green furniture.

I love these spoons. Thanks Mom!

This is my wondrous mother.

Everyone wore white. These are a mix of our greatest friends.

An Answer to a Prayer

2011-03-12T11:37:00.000-08:00

A Dear Dream

2011-03-08T19:50:00.000-08:00

I have always dreamed to live in a white cottage, surrounded by a little land, full of pretty, flowering trees and bushes, roses, lamb's ear, peonies, soft grass....

Sometimes when I'm riding on the bus or waiting in a line, I let myself imagine it, and by now it is quite a place.

Maybe that's why I am drawn to this little photo from marthastewart.com. I don't particularly like the harsh bushes. I would replace them with softer, more romantic, budding stuff. Still, I'm captured, captured by this dear dream.

Collaging

2011-02-24T21:54:00.000-08:00

The Delightful

2011-02-24T21:40:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I look too far away seeking delight. After coming home from a small trip, I am in love with what was always here:

This little silver tray that I bought at DI for less than a dollar holds a messy, marvelous array of bobby pins, feathers, and pearls. It's not much, but I really do love seeing it every day. Light plays off it, sings from it, in wondrous ways. The tin box used to read "mints." But it has been with me for 10 years now and it is getting tired.

Opening this cupboard (emphasis on this particular one) is so--oh gosh I have to use the word again--delightful. My mom and my sister and I spent the summer before my wedding gathering depression glass dessert plates. My grandma lives in a small town in Washington state that is basically devoted to antiques and when we were there we scoured every shop for them. SUCH FUN. Seriously, Olivia and I laughed ourselves silly doing it and I have no idea why. Once we had quite a collection, we laid them all out on the floor and gazed at them four hours--no joke.

OK, Rachel Ashwell got me into this look long ago. This picture is from September. I'm longing for flowers again.

When we first moved into our apartment, a neighbor came over with a titanic sack of flour and taught me how to make beautiful bread. It does feel good to create something, to say "I made this." Even if it is something as common as the staff of life.

Yah for the charming, ordinary, delightful things that are all around!

She is my Sunshine: An Ode to Al

2011-02-03T20:10:00.000-08:00

We met the first day of World Religions our freshman year of college. She squeezed into the back of class at the last minute. I sat, like always, in the front. But destiny got us together. The teacher put us in the same group and we had to introduce each other to the class. We got along swimmingly, so naturally, and we have been the dearest of friends ever since.

Today she just listened to me cry. And I felt so happy to have her.

Cheers to kindred spirits! Bosom buddies! And true friends!

By the way, isn't she darling? One of my three dedicated blog "followers"! Thanks Al!

PLAY

2011-01-27T21:22:00.000-08:00

I nanny two splendid boys. We love to play. They often help me to see in new ways and I feel that these snap shots oddly reflect that. Somehow they harbor bits of the world the boys let me in on from time to time. Do you see what I mean?

Marc My Love

2011-01-03T10:46:00.000-08:00

He's my man. I love his coloring against blue!

2010 in Review

2011-01-03T10:22:00.000-08:00

We decorated for Christmas! Paper snow flakes. Marc even consented to cutting some out!
We were sealed in the temple on September 4th--our most special day. And our sealer told us it was our family's birthday. I remember being so filled with hope and relief and pure, uncontainable joy.

We had a "ceremony of awareness" up at holy Lake Mary, where we prayed and laughed and cried together and where the boy of my dreams slipped me a magnificent ring.
We were reunited after 2 years and 10 months apart.

I finished a mission in Paris, France. It changed me forever.

Dream Room

2010-12-18T14:59:00.000-08:00

I want my house to feel like this room: dreamy, thrown together, all lit up inside.

Our Home

2010-12-18T14:56:00.000-08:00

I love being here.

Married and Loving It

2010-12-18T14:53:00.000-08:00

together again

2010-05-11T19:17:00.000-07:00

je suis missionaire!

2008-11-05T08:04:00.000-08:00

I'm now a missionary and I leave for the mtc in an hour or so. Thank you everyone for your love and support, for carving me with your kindness and with your examples. I want to be more because of you. My Mom will update this blog with pictures and bits of letters! A bien tot!

soeur roberts

"The smallest one was Madeline"

2008-10-27T22:09:00.000-07:00

Fearless

Bold

Curious

Kind

The smallest one

was Madeline

Elder Healy

2008-10-22T18:02:00.000-07:00

I was so glad to get this picture of Elder Healy today. He's growing up! I haven't seen him in 16 months, but give it another 18 and we'll be inseparable! Hoorah for soul mates!

RAIN OR SHINE

2008-10-05T21:16:00.000-07:00

This was the weekend:

RAIN
BLUEBERRY PANCAKES

AND ALI,

ALI MY BOSOM FRIEND

WHOM I CHERISH FOREVER,

RAIN OR SHINE.

2008-10-01T21:36:00.000-07:00

So I finally decided on a missionary bag! It's the perfect size, a unique but conservative enough color, and it reminds me of Madeline--the little precocious and curious French orphan who always makes life adventurous! She has no fear; she's a total leader; and she's humble, like the little child she is. So she's all the things I hope to be in France myself. Thank you Ali for the gift and thank you Marta for the find.

I Love Collaging!

2008-09-15T16:07:00.000-07:00

I love putting pictures together with words. I can't stop looking at my vibrant collage. It shows me that I'm on the verge of a simple and lovely rebirth. Don't you adore life? Color? Babies? Home? Books? And beautiful truth shines in it all, witnesses of it all. Ah. Drink it in!

This is My Sacred Duty

2008-09-09T20:29:00.000-07:00

My dearest Mother escorted me through: the women the brought me into the world, that chose the gospel while those around her never knew it, who brought me up in light and truth.

My dearest friend and nearest hero, Laurel McConkie.

My dear Elder Healy's family.

Me, enamoured with life.

Just thought I'd share this!

2008-08-10T20:12:00.000-07:00

The Call

2008-08-02T12:29:00.000-07:00

It Started Out as a Feeling

2008-08-02T12:02:00.000-07:00

In the words of Regina:

"It started out as a feeling,"...and now it's a reality. A reality. I'm so at peace and yet so enthusiastic!
Though I'm not a math person, I do know this:
PARIS FRANCE +THE GOSPEL OF JESUS CHRIST=A WONDERFUL ADVENTURE

I leave for the MTC on November 5, the day after I vote Barack Obama into office. God so knows me! LOL. Perfect!

Teacup and Sunshine Magic

2008-07-16T17:26:00.000-07:00

She is my sunshine

My only sunshine

She makes me happy

When skies are gray

You'll never know

dear

How much I love her

So please don't take my sunshine

away!

Mississippi Street Fair

2008-07-16T17:23:00.000-07:00

100 Things About Me

2008-07-09T13:02:00.000-07:00

My bestest friend Ali just did this. I found her's soo charming. Here's my attempt!

01. I believe in palm reading
02. My favorite color is white
03. I always have freshly cut flowers near by
04. Globes and maps enchant me
05. I’m addicted to traveling, to meeting people and hearing their stories.
06. Over this year I’ve grown a deep patriotism
07. My favorite BOM character is Moroni
08. Photography is my art form
09. I love a great quilt
10. Stardust is my favorite movie
11. raspberries are my favorite fruit
12. I don’t eat meat often
13. Broccoli mesmerizes me—it’s a fractal
14. I miss kissing terribly
15. Family and friends mean everything
16. Homemade strawberry ice cream sounds so good right now
17. I speak in “the voice” to my closest comrades!
18. I love Little Women, by Louisa May Alcott
19. Reading out loud to lovely listeners is my favorite pastime
20. Bettering the world is my life’s aim
21. I want to go to the moon and I really will someday
22. Campaigning for Barack Obama is my privilege
23. K, I have a love affair with horses and really want to ride one all the time. I use to take lessons. If I’d been raised on a farm, I think I’d be a complete horse-a-holic.
24. I want to go skiing with someone who won’t judge me
25. I adore kayaking.
26. I hate fake nails
27. My style is transitioning into granola chic. Probably because I love a granola boy. But I also love the Portland hippies I have met up here. I even have a Portland Recycles bag!
28. I read self help books (thanks Mom)
29. Marianne Williamson is my hero. Her book, Enchanted Love, changed my life.
30. My voice mail will make you laugh
31. Yoga makes me happy
32. I love the Logan temple
33. I’m going on a mission!
34. I wrote a children’s book once
35. I would never hold a pet mouse.
36. The game Life is a fave, babe
37. I’m sooo lucky to have an Ali and a Marc—a best girl friend and a best love!
38. I adore writing letters
39. I adore getting letters
40. Playing chess is great fun!
41. I don’t watch TV
42. Mom, I miss ya
43. Zits sort of intrigue me
44. I don’t like to run but I love how running makes me feel after the fact
45. Two words: grapefruit juice
46. I’m make wishes on random stuff
47. I name everything
48. My future kids already have names and middle names
49. Sometimes I have huge laughing fits for no apparent reason
50. Opera! What more can I say? (Though I sometimes don’t heart the stories, I always heart the music)
51. Jazz is growing on me
52. The smell of coffee…love it
53. Swing dancing…I adore swing dancing
54. Wednesdays are my favorite
55. As a libra, I’m big on balance
56. November 4th is when all the big steps in my life happen.
57. Every 4th is a special day
58. Trees. Trees. Trees.
59. I’ve been planning my wedding since I was a little girl
60. Mom says I was born 35.
61. Peonies. White peonies. Oh yeah.
62. I call close friends either yoda or crazy face or I add a ya to their name. Example: Gusya
63. I want a hammock
64. Not one for sarcasm or scary movies.
65. Give me tomatoes and mashed potatoes. I like the simple life.
66. I don’t date blondes.
67. I don’t date. LOL.
68. I like bird watching.
69. Lake Mary, that’s where I want to become engaged; it’s the most beautiful place.
70. Cocoa Café is comf.
71. Ali makes me abbreviate all things
72. Cucumbers and chocolate, uh huh
73. Don’t forget cheese. I eat cheese by the block, by itself, any time, any where.
74. I step on all the cracks in the side walk
75. I always leave a little bit of drink in my cup
76. I can’t sing but I like to
77. I collage
78. I entered the O Sweepstakes to win $250,000
79. I want to make a tent and read in it.
80. I hate anything purple flavored. Tastes like Dimetapp
81. Giving foot scrubs makes me happy
82. Florescent lights sicken me; it’s all about lamp light
83. I must make my bed
84. French. I want to speak French.
85. Dressing up! Feeling pretty! Totally my thing
86. The true me is an excellent student
87. I love public speaking because when I speak I fit in to the moment and harness its magic. It feels like heaven
88. I’m trying not to complain, to be a true optimist
89. I like painting but I’m not good at it
90. Stargazing is totally great
91. I love being mormon!
92. I wish I had a bigger bladder.
93. Bicycling is exhilarating
94. I use two swear words and only when they are sooo funny
95. My body is pretty much amazing. LOL.
96. Sometimes I just want to cuddle. Though I hate that word.
97. Mint ice cream. My fave.
98. I hate writing; I love having written.
99. I’m silly.
100. Love is my creed.

Now you try!

Remember that One Time?!

2008-07-09T01:37:00.000-07:00

Here is a fun little game...Leave a comment on my blog of a memory that you and I have had together. It doesn't matter if you've known me for a short time, or a long time, anything you remember! Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses. If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you.On your mark...get set...blog your memories!!

Today

2008-07-07T22:05:00.000-07:00

Today I rode the bus with a blue ironing board into the city. People sort of half smiled at me. Got to the place I had previously decided to register voters when a nice police man told me I needed a permit to be on the square. So I picked up everything and sought new territory.

At a street corner, a voice said, "Hello girl with an ironing board!" And I met him. Name was Breece. He worked for Green Peace, an organization devoted to saving the environment. "Every day a football field of the boreal forest is chopped down to make kleenex. And one box of kleenex took 90 years to grow," he told me. And his kindness couldn't be shrugged away so as he led me to the next hoppin' corner I agreed to save the planet with him.

Registered 9 new voters on that corner. Met a Pete and a John and some European teenagers (all of whom cheered over my Obama pin!). Gave away oreos and humored many with my blue ironing board. I couldn't not smile. Oregonians are so fabulous. People gave me the thumbs up all day. Several people checked in on me. "How's business?," they'd ask after walking back my way. One man told me my set up was the best he'd seen in 40 years. Maybe he just thought I was cute. But maybe it had something to do with the character of an ironing board and a hand made sign, a big smile and a plate of oreos melting in the sun.

It's grass roots. It's the change coming from the bottom up. And today I couldn't help but think of the future (something I'm trying really hard not to do), when I can tell my grandchildren that I stood on street corners with a blue ironing board, registering voters to reclaim our country. When I can say I volunteered with the Barack Obama campaign and the children think wow and know in their hearts that that means something special.

Journeying home, I caught a refracted bit of myself in the bus window smiling about it. Ah, today. Not just a turn of earth but a time of life. A time of life never to be forgotten. A time of life to ever love.

People I Miss and Love Beyond Measure

2008-07-04T00:07:00.000-07:00

These guys

Sisters

McConks

Ali

Mom and Gaylen the Beloved

I Like This Stuff

2008-06-28T21:17:00.001-07:00

These are sweet, huh?

I found a majority of these pictures on a blog of a stranger. I love what she writes and posts. This comes from a great post on simple baby clothes. "The simpler, [they are] the better," she writes. I agree. I'm in love with the look.

I adore this black piano, even though I've never played.

My kids will though.

And maybe I will too!

I like how organic and tender and stylish this looks.

It's granola chic.

A Room Full of Strangers

2008-06-28T21:03:00.000-07:00

Today I spoke to 50 people about America.

This country means justice and liberty and living dreams.

We are remembering who we are.

And in the process I'm discovering myself.

Happy Birthday dear USA.

I've never really realized how much I love you until today,

the day I tried to verbalize it to a room full of strangers.

To Home and Heaven

2008-06-28T20:11:00.000-07:00

We are selling our beloved house. But our beloved home travels with us; she's called mother.
I will miss the claw foot tub. That's where my sweet heart washed my feet. I will miss the porch swing too. That's where he and I wished on rose petals and talked about the universe. I will miss the green sofa by the windows in the sun. That's where we read novels and watched Cars.

Perhaps in those memories lies the reason why I dread moving this time around. I love change. But moving has never really changed things for me. I've always had the same home. She makes our house into our home.

But this house means Marc to me I think. Every little room is painted with our old laughter, prayers, and thoughts. I hear the echoes of our voices there and just knowing that he used to be in the same space seems to make him more real to me.

But let go! Let go! Houses are interchangeable. Homes remain in our souls. My mother makes home. My Marc makes heaven. They are both welded to my heart. And I find comfort in the truth that they both go on forever.

I love change. But mostly I love those people and places that never can. So here's to Home and Heaven!

Road Trip!

2008-06-03T22:32:00.000-07:00

Portland Summer

2008-05-28T21:38:00.000-07:00

Today gave direction. Summer plans no longer hang suspended in spring air. I have been accepted into the Barack Obama Fellowship Program! And they're sending me to Portland for the summer to organize the community for the fall. Just knowing that I have something purposeful to do makes me so happy. I feel like life breathed into my nostrels today and woke me up from a lull.

A summer in bustling, eclectic Portland. A summer spent organizing people for a great cause. A summer with my grandparents (I'll be staying with them--how perfect, huh?). A summer. A perfect summer.

I get home on the 27 of July. And greeting me will be my mission call--my next adventure.

Life is coming together.

I'm....happy.

jacque o

2008-05-24T18:57:00.000-07:00

2008-05-13T15:22:00.000-07:00

My Choice

2008-04-21T12:22:00.000-07:00

Peace and excitement all at once.

And then joy and a reliance on something so much bigger than myself.

Finally I have made a choice. It's my choice. It's right.

Looking back I see that everything this year pointed to it, begged it of me.

And I can't help but smile with my heart, with my eyes, with every cell of me

When I say it

Aloud.

I'm Going On A Mission.

How's that E?

January Says...

2007-12-31T18:41:00.001-08:00

Clean space. Ah. So refreshing. I'm glad to be here, in this newness. Magnificent January! A perfect semester lies before my feet and I plan on being perfectly myself in it. As of late I've been reminded, challenged, and motivated to be what I am: ambitious, joyful, and big in my own space. Ha! I can steer! That is what January tells me. And I believe her... I believe her... I believe her with all my heart.